0

Let the healing begin. 


A month or so ago I took my first glass fusing class. It was a private class for a friends birthday party. 

I had a good time, I was very unsure of myself during the first class. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do, or how I wanted to lay thing out. 

I was not in love with how things turned out from my first class, they weren’t horrible… but they were very much disarrayed. 


I gifted one of the pendants away already from that class. One of the “soap dishes” is currently on my stove as a spoon rest. Some of those pendants weren’t even made by me because I ran out of time!! 

During my latest round of issues I realized I need to have more hobbies. More outlets for stress, more ways to channel my creativity, a way to turn off the fuzzy noise. 

I went back to try again, taking a class where you made a garden hanging piece. I even invited some friends along! A friend I hadn’t seen in months joined me, as well as a friend that does my nails came to class. 

Again I was stumped for ideas… but being me rainbows are always something I gravitate to. 

On the left side of the photo below you’ll see the before, and on the right the after/fused project. 


I enjoy the class, and started thinking about ideas of what I might be able to make if I had more time.  

It was time for another private party, and I had ideas heading into the party. Lofty goals of things I want to make in glass. Ideas for things I might like to see in my home now or in the future. Thoughts about things that might make good presents. 


I felt super satisfied at the end of this class. I made the first piece I was super proud of. My unicorn! I also made a few other random pieces but I was very drawn into the unicorn. 

Leaving that class I knew I needed to sign up for another class. I could feel the grip loosening and I could feel my creative side coming back out. 


I am in a place right now where I am letting the glass speak to me, and I speak back.  I have a few ideas. There is a list in my phone of sets of plates I would like to see. Ideas I could try. I still let the glass lead the way. 

Today I took a “big plates” class. I opted not to do the platter, because we just don’t have the space. I did two smaller ones. I only decided 24 hours before to take the class. I didn’t have anything really in mind. 


I looked at the glass. I looked for light and shadow. I looked for what I could see beyond the glass. I looked for balance and waited for the pieces to talk to me. 

I am excited to see how the pieces come out once they are fused. I have at least two more fusing classes on the books at this time. It’s been really nice to feel like I am a part of something even with changing faces in each class. 
I can feel myself relaxing into the process with each session. I can feel the pieces leading me to the project instead of the other way around and it’s a treat. 

1

Coming out of the dark. #NoStigma

Hi guys! When I last checked in with you I told you I was in a very dark place. I am not ashamed at all to admit that I have struggled with my mental health for much of my life. Dating back to my adolescence I have had issues with depression, and anxiety. Sometimes you just need some help.

I recall being pricked up from school, being told we were going out to lunch and instead being taken to see a therapist. You can imagine how that ended. Don’t lie to your kid folks. Just don’t. You think you are protecting them, but really you are just creating a way to protect to yourself. You need to find the courage of your own convictions.

At the end of August my struggles reached what I call a tipping point. I have been working with a doctor and a psychiatrist since December on meds to try and right the ship. Well… the ship decided to hit a reef and overturn during the holiday weekend and I needed to call for help.

I needed to step back from everything. This was hard. I stepped away from nearly everything. I left my job, my home, I stopped reading and watching the news. I stepped away from most of social media. I took very few phone calls, saw very few people. This I am sure seems drastic to some, but I was at a point where if I did not step back… the thought I was having ere going to cause very ad thing to happen.

For those following along on Instagram, or Facebook my departure probably seemed a bit odd. The tone of my posts changed, it I have not made a public statement over my need for more formal help. Those close to me know what happened to me. They knew I was losing my grip, and needed urgent help. We show the best parts of our lives to the outside, we put the best parts of our lives on social media, and tell the best stories to other. There is no reason for me to continue to be okay when you’re not.

I do have to acknowledge the great friends that I have who have all supported me through this. Asking for help can be SO scary.

The good news is there is light t the end of the tunnel. I do not believe that it is a train coming at me. I have started some new medications that seem to be helping stabilize my moods, and also life the depression and anxiety. I am working on a routine, and on coping kills for anxiety.

I am working on self-care plans. Things like going back to prepping meals, going for walks (even if they aware short ones, as I am still experiencing pain and weakness in the ankle I broke last year). I am also working on my art again. I am taking some glass fusing classes at Goddess of Glass in Minneapolis, which will be two-fold. It will let me work on my creative side, but also allow me to make some holiday gifts. I am also looking into a way to or on my drawing digitally. I used to draw pen and pencil on paper… but that takes up a lot of space. So I might invest in the 53 Pencil for my iPad.

Anyone up for sharing their self-care tips? What do you do to take care of yourself? How do you make time for you? How do you leave work at work or the troubles at the door? One suggestion was to blast my radio and sing along or physically find something to touch and leave my troubles on. I’m open to suggestions I figure anything might be worth trying!

1

Afraid of the dark 

Depression is real. The darkness swallows you whole like a wave that knocks your feet out from under you like a little kid at the beach. 

I’m in the darkness. With a tiny ember of a flame. Protecting that ember with all I have. 

There will be light again. The flame just needs to breathe to grow. 

0

Seasons

The Minnesota state fair opened up on Thursday. This can mean only one thing … summer is coming to an end. Tonight the Game of Thrones finale will air and much of my summer tv watching will come to a close. With the sadness of the winter is coming departure is the notice of Pumpkin is coming.

With fall arrives the smell, the smell of leaves and fall fires, of warm food, the crunch of leaves under foot, new tv. Back to school for kids (school supplies!) Sweatshirts!!

Fall is my favorite season. I thought on it a while today trying to pinpoint why it is my favorite… and I guess… it is probably because it is the season of change.

The whole season is a drastic visual transformation. It exposes the raw and naked beauty of what the true form of nature holds. Leaves are stripped bare from the branches of trees. Forced to sustain and maintain their strength on what is within hidden deep inside. People retreat to things they remember from years past, warm comfort foods. They choose to slow down and take the time to fill their homes with things that feel warm.

The change underfoot from the soft grass to the crunch of dried leaves brings comfort, that grounded feeling. Bring part of bringing the earth back to itself. The earth begins reclaiming of part of itself and changes into its purest form to stand the test of wills during the long battle of winter.

Of course I am a huge fan of the foods of fall, pumpkin, squash, cranberries, apples. My body likes to eat with the seasons, so at the peak of summer I crave those fresh garden veggies… but I look forward to the fall foods all year. We are fortunate to live in a time when we have access to foods year round but eating seasonally available foods just taste better. I’m sorry no winter tomato is ever going to taste as good as a summer farmers market one. No grocery store apple will ever compare to the taste of one I get from the local orchard fresh from the tree.

Spring is my second favorite season, for similar reasons. The rebirth process is beautiful as things awaken and find new strengths, but I find the raw beauty of being exposed much more intense. Winter is the season of waiting. Like holding your breath, to see if you will have the strength to survive. Survive the pain, survive the cold, survive the long darkness. It represents the heart and determination… much like pain, without it growth can’t happen. It’s my third favorite time of year.

That leaves summer… my very least favorite time of year and I’m happy to see this coming to a close. It feels like the season that is the result of every other seasons hard work… and pain, and change. It is the time of year to “relax.” In life if you stop working for change you will lose the momentum you have made. You don’t get to just stop time. It keeps going. Plus it’s just too hot in the summer 😉

0

Sunday Love List!

I haven’t shared any love lately for things that are bringing me joy, so let’s just do a quick rundown!

I am groot!

Baby Groot visiting my terrarium

Shine bright like a diamond

Before Photo from Glass Fusing projects at Goddess of Glass

Warning!! This Icecream is awesome I mean awful you should send it all to me so I can save you from it.

Finally a banana ice cream without walnuts!! #foodallergy

The bleach scares me!!

Beauty comes at a price!

Blue green and purple! Feeling sassy!

Thank You Yvonne!!

Brown paper packages – Guava cookie from Puerto Rico!

Quiet lunches on the roof

Obviously.

Clean sheet day with NEW sheets!!

New fizzy water flavors to try!

Please send all the things!! XXL!

The Disney Target sleepwear collection has me wishing I had a bigger wallet


So many choices of color… then glitter??!!

Always on point!!

Glam Nails from Nail Studio Ten!! ❤️💅🏻

0

Deep thoughts from the Funeral

Any week in your life when you say goodbye to a friend is going to be difficult. I found myself asking the difficult question, “is this the tipping point in life, more funerals than weddings or baby showers. More sadness than celebration?”

Intellectually I know that is not the truth. Life keeps moving on, and there are always things to celebrate. I have been working diligently in the recent past to celebrate everything I can, and plan to continue that. I believe it is important. 

I am finding strength and support from new friends as I grow and change. I grow more distant from those who I once treasured so dearly.  

I have thought a lot recently about how growth is pain.  Much like fruit on the vine, that which does not grow is left to wither and die. Fruit that does grow, changes and is forced into a new shape, it enlarges, and is forced by the conditions around it, and the nutrition available to adapt, thrive, or whither and die.  Did you know they can make watermelons square, or pears shaped like Buddha? Adaptation to environment, and the result of need or desire for change. That pear or watermelon grew as it was forced, not all end up the same and that’s ok. 

It’s hard to think about loss because it makes us look sat ourselves. What is the legacy I want to leave behind? Would anyone come to my funeral? What would people say about me? As I sat in the pew at mass I did have the passing though that I did not care if anyone showed up at my funeral because those that matter show up when you are here. 

Funerals are not for the dead they are for the living… and while I am out living I want to be surrounded by the amazing and magical people that keep showing up.  This is why I invite people to be part of my life. Be present because you are a gift of spirit. 

You can raise someone up, or drag them down and it is your choice how to handle a situation. I will continue to raise others and myself up, saying yes and showing up when asked at every chance my body allows. We only get one shot in this life, find joy where we can, embrace it where it lives in whatever form it arrives in. 

0

Rest now Rachel. 

Rachel,

It is time to buzz the tower. Rest well my friend. We will continue your fight. We will always be #rachelStrong
❤️ RACHEL SAPIENTE RICKERT ❤️
Age 43, on August 2, 2017, at her home in St Louis Park, MN, after a fiercely-fought, 3-year battle with triple negative breast cancer. 
Rachel was born April 10, 1974, in St Louis, MO, 7 minutes after her twin brother. Prior to the progression of her illness, she was the creative marketing manager for Sightpath Medical at its corporate headquarters in Bloomington.
Our Rachel was an excellent and devoted mother. She is survived by her cherished sons, Ethan Christopher and Elliott John Rickert. She loved them to the moon and back. She is also survived by their father and her caregiver, Brian Rickert, her parents, Rebecca Wallace of Pittsburgh, PA, and Dr Ronald Sapiente of Marquette, MI, her twin, Andrew Wallace Sapiente (Rebecca Weidman) of Watertown, MA, aunt Barbara Colaco (Dr Rudy) of Cranford, NJ, uncle John Sapiente (Pamela) of Naples, FL, great aunt Celia Demyan of Columbia, MD, great uncle Father Joseph Borodach of Bradenville, PA, and her dear cousins and in-laws. 
Rachel’s funeral Mass will be held at 11:00 on August 8 at Our Lady of Grace parish in Edina, MN. We are at a loss to properly thank the many many people who helped her and her boys in such supportive and generous ways, and who followed her posts on social media as she chronicled her illness. In particular, we would like to express our gratitude to Father Kevin Finnegan of Our Lady of Grace, and to the remarkable doctors and staff of the Mayo Clinic.
Donations in Rachel’s memory may be directed to the Rachel Sapiente Rickert Trust (on behalf of her sons’ educations), c/o Dr Ronald Sapiente, 233 N Lakeshore Blvd, Marquette, MI 49855, the St Louis Park High School Band c/o Director Steve Schmitz, or to Park Nicollet Methodist Hospice, c/o Park Nicollet Foundation, 6500 Excelsior Blvd, St Louis Park, MN 55426.
“Thy beauty, now, is all for the King’s delight: He is thy Lord, and worship belongs to Him.”