I haven’t shared any love lately for things that are bringing me joy, so let’s just do a quick rundown!
Any week in your life when you say goodbye to a friend is going to be difficult. I found myself asking the difficult question, “is this the tipping point in life, more funerals than weddings or baby showers. More sadness than celebration?”
Intellectually I know that is not the truth. Life keeps moving on, and there are always things to celebrate. I have been working diligently in the recent past to celebrate everything I can, and plan to continue that. I believe it is important.
I am finding strength and support from new friends as I grow and change. I grow more distant from those who I once treasured so dearly.
I have thought a lot recently about how growth is pain. Much like fruit on the vine, that which does not grow is left to wither and die. Fruit that does grow, changes and is forced into a new shape, it enlarges, and is forced by the conditions around it, and the nutrition available to adapt, thrive, or whither and die. Did you know they can make watermelons square, or pears shaped like Buddha? Adaptation to environment, and the result of need or desire for change. That pear or watermelon grew as it was forced, not all end up the same and that’s ok.
It’s hard to think about loss because it makes us look sat ourselves. What is the legacy I want to leave behind? Would anyone come to my funeral? What would people say about me? As I sat in the pew at mass I did have the passing though that I did not care if anyone showed up at my funeral because those that matter show up when you are here.
Funerals are not for the dead they are for the living… and while I am out living I want to be surrounded by the amazing and magical people that keep showing up. This is why I invite people to be part of my life. Be present because you are a gift of spirit.
You can raise someone up, or drag them down and it is your choice how to handle a situation. I will continue to raise others and myself up, saying yes and showing up when asked at every chance my body allows. We only get one shot in this life, find joy where we can, embrace it where it lives in whatever form it arrives in.
It is time to buzz the tower. Rest well my friend. We will continue your fight. We will always be #rachelStrong
❤️ RACHEL SAPIENTE RICKERT ❤️
Age 43, on August 2, 2017, at her home in St Louis Park, MN, after a fiercely-fought, 3-year battle with triple negative breast cancer.
Rachel was born April 10, 1974, in St Louis, MO, 7 minutes after her twin brother. Prior to the progression of her illness, she was the creative marketing manager for Sightpath Medical at its corporate headquarters in Bloomington.
Our Rachel was an excellent and devoted mother. She is survived by her cherished sons, Ethan Christopher and Elliott John Rickert. She loved them to the moon and back. She is also survived by their father and her caregiver, Brian Rickert, her parents, Rebecca Wallace of Pittsburgh, PA, and Dr Ronald Sapiente of Marquette, MI, her twin, Andrew Wallace Sapiente (Rebecca Weidman) of Watertown, MA, aunt Barbara Colaco (Dr Rudy) of Cranford, NJ, uncle John Sapiente (Pamela) of Naples, FL, great aunt Celia Demyan of Columbia, MD, great uncle Father Joseph Borodach of Bradenville, PA, and her dear cousins and in-laws.
Rachel’s funeral Mass will be held at 11:00 on August 8 at Our Lady of Grace parish in Edina, MN. We are at a loss to properly thank the many many people who helped her and her boys in such supportive and generous ways, and who followed her posts on social media as she chronicled her illness. In particular, we would like to express our gratitude to Father Kevin Finnegan of Our Lady of Grace, and to the remarkable doctors and staff of the Mayo Clinic.
Donations in Rachel’s memory may be directed to the Rachel Sapiente Rickert Trust (on behalf of her sons’ educations), c/o Dr Ronald Sapiente, 233 N Lakeshore Blvd, Marquette, MI 49855, the St Louis Park High School Band c/o Director Steve Schmitz, or to Park Nicollet Methodist Hospice, c/o Park Nicollet Foundation, 6500 Excelsior Blvd, St Louis Park, MN 55426.
“Thy beauty, now, is all for the King’s delight: He is thy Lord, and worship belongs to Him.”
Happy Birthday Harry! I closed out my birthday month with you, with something to celebrate innocence and purity.
It started with a hard decision…Decisions are really hard… you have to listen for the answers that speak to you.
Fat shame? Only for a moment. My legs are strong. I’ve overcome two broken hips, a lateral and medial meniscus tear a broken fibula, a broken talar dome, too many torn ligaments and tendons to count and still I rise. Yes I was worried about putting this on my thigh for a half second. Then my artist said she adored my placement and all of that fear sunk away.
Waiting is the hardest part. My artist was awesome, she was from France, I was her 11th flash tattoo of the day to celebrate Harry’s Birthday. She was going strong and enjoying the day. She and I had nice banter, I relaxed into the buzz of the tattoo. It didn’t really hurt too much.
This is my new tattoo. Yes it’s flash, yes I love it. It speaks to my heart about my life. A reminder of innocence and purity. Blended with placement on my thigh flirts a line of danger and sensuality along with acceptance.
Happy Birthday to me. Expecto Unexpected.
I can feel it. I didn’t really have a “game plan” for it to come back. But when I woke up Sunday morning after spending basically all day Saturday in bed I knew it was back.
I wasn’t in bed Saturday from pain, just exhaustion. Lack of sleep, partying too hard. Having too much fun. (Really!!)
The pain I am talking about is that body-wide ache that comes when you start pushing yourself to do better. Go harder, further, faster than you usually do. I did not really plan a grand re-entry into my life after all of this time.
Breaking my leg put me at a literal dead stop. My ankle is still holding me back, but not from everything. I’ve been out dancing three times now in three weeks. Once at a club, and twice at “dance church”
I am pushing my body, and my body says Woah!
I am settling into the familiar ache that means I am moving my body and it will get stronger. It is just that, an ache and it rings familiar like an old friend. A friend come home to rest in my body.
Welcome home old friend.
Sometimes it is strange to me to realize I am an adult. We all joke about that time when you look around and remember you are the adult in the room. You are the one responsible for making decisions, blazing the trail, setting the example.
I don’t remember a lot of time in my life spent being irresponsible, carefree, or reckless. I know I have made bad decisions, and I don’t know nearly as much about the world as I wish to (or even pretend to). I have subsisted largely in a world of fake it till you make it. This is probably why I am living the way I do now, so very out loud. My life is BIG.
My old style of living (not sheltered, taking on much responsibility) led me to be less naive than most of my peers. Not to the point of being fully jaded, but to the point where I almost don’t remember that there are others out there who don’t see the world the way I do. I don’t lay blame to this fact, I just forget it because it’s just become such an inane part of me.
I had a wonderful meal tonight at a tiny local sushi bar with a coworker. We had wonderful conversation and I felt like I learned a lot about how she sees the world. I enjoyed being the one to help crack her shell and expose her to a “hidden gem” in a local neighborhood.
It never crossed my mind that people who lived so close to places would not see them would not venture outside their bubbles even though it may not be intentional. I love seeing the awe and amazement on people’s faces as they find something new and exciting or trespass outside of their comfort zones.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone is quite often cliche I must say, but truly it is awesome to see people start opening up to the possibilities life holds. that is an amazing gift.
Yes I will admit, I am a pusher. I push people. I push you to try harder; I push you to dig deeper; I push you to feel what it might just be like to feel the fear, to go for what you want. When you push past that fear you find that bliss! You find the amazing confidence, that talent you didn’t know you had. That gift deep within you to grow and foster. Heck you may get to find that new place that none of your friendsknow about that you can show off and be the new in the know person, and just leave everyone to figure out how you do it.
You can’t let yourself be intimidated by life, or fear or the unknown. Use your street smarts, and all of your tools and get out there and try new things. I am enjoying trying to help draw my friends out of their shells. I am enjoying watching them start to find themselves and discover who they might turn into as I myself morph into the next incarnation of who or what I am supposed to be as an adult. …
…adult. A dull t. Never a dull moment. I may be the one that works and pays the bills. But I am certainly not going to be giving up on enjoying life as it comes. We only get one ride on this big marble. You know I’m going to make my roll count!
Watching to “To The Bone” on Netflix today a lot of it hit home. I have struggled as far back in my life as I remember with an eating disorder. More than that this movie was a good reminder about living life.
Folks, I beg you to take note in the real world there is no way to be safe or see and live just the good moments.
Stop waiting for life to be easy. The more you push through the muck and the mud; the garbage and the sludge the more brilliance and beauty you will find.
Stop hoping for someone or something to come along and save you. We are meant to be resilient and when you stare down the demons and that awful shit… you are going to have an AMAZING life.
I offer you this poem for a bit of reflection. Please enjoy and move into the week with intention!
by Anne Sexton
It is in the small things we see it.
The child’s first step,
as awesome as an earthquake.
The first time you rode a bike,
wallowing up the sidewalk.
The first spanking when your heart
went on a journey all alone.
When they called you crybaby
or poor or fatty or crazy
and made you into an alien,
you drank their acid
and concealed it.
if you faced the death of bombs and bullets
you did not do it with a banner,
you did it with only a hat to
comver your heart.
You did not fondle the weakness inside you
though it was there.
Your courage was a small coal
that you kept swallowing.
If your buddy saved you
and died himself in so doing,
then his courage was not courage,
it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.
if you have endured a great despair,
then you did it alone,
getting a transfusion from the fire,
picking the scabs off your heart,
then wringing it out like a sock.
Next, my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow,
you gave it a back rub
and then you covered it with a blanket
and after it had slept a while
it woke to the wings of the roses
and was transformed.
when you face old age and its natural conclusion
your courage will still be shown in the little ways,
each spring will be a sword you’ll sharpen,
those you love will live in a fever of love,
and you’ll bargain with the calendar
and at the last moment
when death opens the back door
you’ll put on your carpet slippers
and stride out.