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Let the healing begin. 


A month or so ago I took my first glass fusing class. It was a private class for a friends birthday party. 

I had a good time, I was very unsure of myself during the first class. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do, or how I wanted to lay thing out. 

I was not in love with how things turned out from my first class, they weren’t horrible… but they were very much disarrayed. 


I gifted one of the pendants away already from that class. One of the “soap dishes” is currently on my stove as a spoon rest. Some of those pendants weren’t even made by me because I ran out of time!! 

During my latest round of issues I realized I need to have more hobbies. More outlets for stress, more ways to channel my creativity, a way to turn off the fuzzy noise. 

I went back to try again, taking a class where you made a garden hanging piece. I even invited some friends along! A friend I hadn’t seen in months joined me, as well as a friend that does my nails came to class. 

Again I was stumped for ideas… but being me rainbows are always something I gravitate to. 

On the left side of the photo below you’ll see the before, and on the right the after/fused project. 


I enjoy the class, and started thinking about ideas of what I might be able to make if I had more time.  

It was time for another private party, and I had ideas heading into the party. Lofty goals of things I want to make in glass. Ideas for things I might like to see in my home now or in the future. Thoughts about things that might make good presents. 


I felt super satisfied at the end of this class. I made the first piece I was super proud of. My unicorn! I also made a few other random pieces but I was very drawn into the unicorn. 

Leaving that class I knew I needed to sign up for another class. I could feel the grip loosening and I could feel my creative side coming back out. 


I am in a place right now where I am letting the glass speak to me, and I speak back.  I have a few ideas. There is a list in my phone of sets of plates I would like to see. Ideas I could try. I still let the glass lead the way. 

Today I took a “big plates” class. I opted not to do the platter, because we just don’t have the space. I did two smaller ones. I only decided 24 hours before to take the class. I didn’t have anything really in mind. 


I looked at the glass. I looked for light and shadow. I looked for what I could see beyond the glass. I looked for balance and waited for the pieces to talk to me. 

I am excited to see how the pieces come out once they are fused. I have at least two more fusing classes on the books at this time. It’s been really nice to feel like I am a part of something even with changing faces in each class. 
I can feel myself relaxing into the process with each session. I can feel the pieces leading me to the project instead of the other way around and it’s a treat. 

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Coming out of the dark. #NoStigma

Hi guys! When I last checked in with you I told you I was in a very dark place. I am not ashamed at all to admit that I have struggled with my mental health for much of my life. Dating back to my adolescence I have had issues with depression, and anxiety. Sometimes you just need some help.

I recall being pricked up from school, being told we were going out to lunch and instead being taken to see a therapist. You can imagine how that ended. Don’t lie to your kid folks. Just don’t. You think you are protecting them, but really you are just creating a way to protect to yourself. You need to find the courage of your own convictions.

At the end of August my struggles reached what I call a tipping point. I have been working with a doctor and a psychiatrist since December on meds to try and right the ship. Well… the ship decided to hit a reef and overturn during the holiday weekend and I needed to call for help.

I needed to step back from everything. This was hard. I stepped away from nearly everything. I left my job, my home, I stopped reading and watching the news. I stepped away from most of social media. I took very few phone calls, saw very few people. This I am sure seems drastic to some, but I was at a point where if I did not step back… the thought I was having ere going to cause very ad thing to happen.

For those following along on Instagram, or Facebook my departure probably seemed a bit odd. The tone of my posts changed, it I have not made a public statement over my need for more formal help. Those close to me know what happened to me. They knew I was losing my grip, and needed urgent help. We show the best parts of our lives to the outside, we put the best parts of our lives on social media, and tell the best stories to other. There is no reason for me to continue to be okay when you’re not.

I do have to acknowledge the great friends that I have who have all supported me through this. Asking for help can be SO scary.

The good news is there is light t the end of the tunnel. I do not believe that it is a train coming at me. I have started some new medications that seem to be helping stabilize my moods, and also life the depression and anxiety. I am working on a routine, and on coping kills for anxiety.

I am working on self-care plans. Things like going back to prepping meals, going for walks (even if they aware short ones, as I am still experiencing pain and weakness in the ankle I broke last year). I am also working on my art again. I am taking some glass fusing classes at Goddess of Glass in Minneapolis, which will be two-fold. It will let me work on my creative side, but also allow me to make some holiday gifts. I am also looking into a way to or on my drawing digitally. I used to draw pen and pencil on paper… but that takes up a lot of space. So I might invest in the 53 Pencil for my iPad.

Anyone up for sharing their self-care tips? What do you do to take care of yourself? How do you make time for you? How do you leave work at work or the troubles at the door? One suggestion was to blast my radio and sing along or physically find something to touch and leave my troubles on. I’m open to suggestions I figure anything might be worth trying!

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When the aches and pain returns

I can feel it. I didn’t really have a “game plan” for it to come back. But when I woke up Sunday morning after spending basically all day Saturday in bed I knew it was back. 

I wasn’t in bed Saturday from pain, just exhaustion. Lack of sleep, partying too hard. Having too much fun. (Really!!) 

The pain I am talking about is that body-wide ache that comes when you start pushing yourself to do better. Go harder, further, faster than you usually do. I did not really plan a grand re-entry into my life after all of this time. 

Breaking my leg put me at a literal dead stop. My ankle is still holding me back, but not from everything. I’ve been out dancing three times now in three weeks. Once at a club, and twice at “dance church”

I am pushing my body, and my body says Woah!

I am settling into the familiar ache that means I am moving my body and it will get stronger. It is just that, an ache and it rings familiar like an old friend. A friend come home to rest in my body. 

Welcome home old friend. 

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You are Beautiful

“You’re really beautiful” and “you’re really good at what you do; not your job how you handle your interactions with life”

Those two statements were given to me as I walked over the Mississippi River under the stars Friday night. Treasured words given to me by someone I am getting to know better. 

I can’t explain how amazing it has been to continue to see the evolution of myself. This transformation into a different person by simply choosing to live more in the now and do what makes me happy. It is a long road to figure out who and what you are in life. 

To hear that someone who I have only really known for a comparatively short period of time sees beauty in me, and sees that significance in the way I conduct my life is incredible. 

The brief walk and talk we shared from the bar I’m sure was part sweet intoxication, but inside all drunken stupors there is some truth. Truth that the shift I have made in life has given way to my happiness. 

Those statements a out who I am are probably the best gifts I could receive as a birthday present this year; and they reinforce that living my best life and pushing the limits for myself and lifting others up is exactly what I need to continue to do. 

I may just have to start visiting the river more… it may become a new happy place.  

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Update… November.

Things have been quiet around here. Lots of things have been going on.

Ive spent the last month or so undergoing a battery of tests, that continue trying to find out what is going on with my leg.  Recently the drop foot I have been experiencing has gotten worse.  It has become painful through my leg, and there has been no explination for the drop foot. They ran a battery of tests to rule out a number of things.  The latest appointment revealed that while I do have a bulged disk in my back, which is not surprising given the collagen issues I have, and my propensity to lift things I shouldn’t, it is not in the right place to be causing the issues with me leg.

The upside is that there were no MS lesions spotted, which was a concern they had given the multitude of symptoms I was displaying.  Unfortunatly, I still have no answers.  I have calls into several neurologists in the area to get started with more tests, and we will go from there.  I work to manage the pain on a daily basis.  I use my cane at home… and try not to venture into public with it, because I just… I don’t like the feeling of defeat.

In other news, about a month, maybe two ago a job opened up at work. I decided that I would apply.  Now for those of you that remember how scared I was to jump and leave my dispatching job, this was a HUGE deal.  Last week it was announced that I had been offered the position.  I was proud of myself, and only a little shocked.  I knew deep down that I was qualified.  I know the job will posess its challenges, and that is what I loook forward to.

Looking at how far I have come from the girl that was scared and stuck, to the strong person who knows her value, and can see her strengths is amazing.  It is not ego, it is self worth, and it grows everyday inside me.  I display pride in my work, and my efforts are paying off.

Placing value on what i can contribute alone, as well as part of a team is showing me who I am.  This road to a better place of everything has been a long one.  It is amazing how one little spark can change everything.  The more I do the more I can do.