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Let the healing begin.Ā 


A month or so ago I took my first glass fusing class. It was a private class for a friends birthday party. 

I had a good time, I was very unsure of myself during the first class. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do, or how I wanted to lay thing out. 

I was not in love with how things turned out from my first class, they weren’t horrible… but they were very much disarrayed. 


I gifted one of the pendants away already from that class. One of the “soap dishes” is currently on my stove as a spoon rest. Some of those pendants weren’t even made by me because I ran out of time!! 

During my latest round of issues I realized I need to have more hobbies. More outlets for stress, more ways to channel my creativity, a way to turn off the fuzzy noise. 

I went back to try again, taking a class where you made a garden hanging piece. I even invited some friends along! A friend I hadn’t seen in months joined me, as well as a friend that does my nails came to class. 

Again I was stumped for ideas… but being me rainbows are always something I gravitate to. 

On the left side of the photo below you’ll see the before, and on the right the after/fused project. 


I enjoy the class, and started thinking about ideas of what I might be able to make if I had more time.  

It was time for another private party, and I had ideas heading into the party. Lofty goals of things I want to make in glass. Ideas for things I might like to see in my home now or in the future. Thoughts about things that might make good presents. 


I felt super satisfied at the end of this class. I made the first piece I was super proud of. My unicorn! I also made a few other random pieces but I was very drawn into the unicorn. 

Leaving that class I knew I needed to sign up for another class. I could feel the grip loosening and I could feel my creative side coming back out. 


I am in a place right now where I am letting the glass speak to me, and I speak back.  I have a few ideas. There is a list in my phone of sets of plates I would like to see. Ideas I could try. I still let the glass lead the way. 

Today I took a “big plates” class. I opted not to do the platter, because we just don’t have the space. I did two smaller ones. I only decided 24 hours before to take the class. I didn’t have anything really in mind. 


I looked at the glass. I looked for light and shadow. I looked for what I could see beyond the glass. I looked for balance and waited for the pieces to talk to me. 

I am excited to see how the pieces come out once they are fused. I have at least two more fusing classes on the books at this time. It’s been really nice to feel like I am a part of something even with changing faces in each class. 
I can feel myself relaxing into the process with each session. I can feel the pieces leading me to the project instead of the other way around and it’s a treat. 

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Coming out of the dark. #NoStigma

Hi guys! When I last checked in with you I told you I was in a very dark place. I am not ashamed at all to admit that I have struggled with my mental health for much of my life. Dating back to my adolescence I have had issues with depression, and anxiety. Sometimes you just need some help.

I recall being pricked up from school, being told we were going out to lunch and instead being taken to see a therapist. You can imagine how that ended. Don’t lie to your kid folks. Just don’t. You think you are protecting them, but really you are just creating a way to protect to yourself. You need to find the courage of your own convictions.

At the end of August my struggles reached what I call a tipping point. I have been working with a doctor and a psychiatrist since December on meds to try and right the ship. Well… the ship decided to hit a reef and overturn during the holiday weekend and I needed to call for help.

I needed to step back from everything. This was hard. I stepped away from nearly everything. I left my job, my home, I stopped reading and watching the news. I stepped away from most of social media. I took very few phone calls, saw very few people. This I am sure seems drastic to some, but I was at a point where if I did not step back… the thought I was having ere going to cause very ad thing to happen.

For those following along on Instagram, or Facebook my departure probably seemed a bit odd. The tone of my posts changed, it I have not made a public statement over my need for more formal help. Those close to me know what happened to me. They knew I was losing my grip, and needed urgent help. We show the best parts of our lives to the outside, we put the best parts of our lives on social media, and tell the best stories to other. There is no reason for me to continue to be okay when you’re not.

I do have to acknowledge the great friends that I have who have all supported me through this. Asking for help can be SO scary.

The good news is there is light t the end of the tunnel. I do not believe that it is a train coming at me. I have started some new medications that seem to be helping stabilize my moods, and also life the depression and anxiety. I am working on a routine, and on coping kills for anxiety.

I am working on self-care plans. Things like going back to prepping meals, going for walks (even if they aware short ones, as I am still experiencing pain and weakness in the ankle I broke last year). I am also working on my art again. I am taking some glass fusing classes at Goddess of Glass in Minneapolis, which will be two-fold. It will let me work on my creative side, but also allow me to make some holiday gifts. I am also looking into a way to or on my drawing digitally. I used to draw pen and pencil on paper… but that takes up a lot of space. So I might invest in the 53 Pencil for my iPad.

Anyone up for sharing their self-care tips? What do you do to take care of yourself? How do you make time for you? How do you leave work at work or the troubles at the door? One suggestion was to blast my radio and sing along or physically find something to touch and leave my troubles on. I’m open to suggestions I figure anything might be worth trying!

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Seasons

The Minnesota state fair opened up on Thursday. This can mean only one thing … summer is coming to an end. Tonight the Game of Thrones finale will air and much of my summer tv watching will come to a close. With the sadness of the winter is coming departure is the notice of Pumpkin is coming.

With fall arrives the smell, the smell of leaves and fall fires, of warm food, the crunch of leaves under foot, new tv. Back to school for kids (school supplies!) Sweatshirts!!

Fall is my favorite season. I thought on it a while today trying to pinpoint why it is my favorite… and I guess… it is probably because it is the season of change.

The whole season is a drastic visual transformation. It exposes the raw and naked beauty of what the true form of nature holds. Leaves are stripped bare from the branches of trees. Forced to sustain and maintain their strength on what is within hidden deep inside. People retreat to things they remember from years past, warm comfort foods. They choose to slow down and take the time to fill their homes with things that feel warm.

The change underfoot from the soft grass to the crunch of dried leaves brings comfort, that grounded feeling. Bring part of bringing the earth back to itself. The earth begins reclaiming of part of itself and changes into its purest form to stand the test of wills during the long battle of winter.

Of course I am a huge fan of the foods of fall, pumpkin, squash, cranberries, apples. My body likes to eat with the seasons, so at the peak of summer I crave those fresh garden veggies… but I look forward to the fall foods all year. We are fortunate to live in a time when we have access to foods year round but eating seasonally available foods just taste better. I’m sorry no winter tomato is ever going to taste as good as a summer farmers market one. No grocery store apple will ever compare to the taste of one I get from the local orchard fresh from the tree.

Spring is my second favorite season, for similar reasons. The rebirth process is beautiful as things awaken and find new strengths, but I find the raw beauty of being exposed much more intense. Winter is the season of waiting. Like holding your breath, to see if you will have the strength to survive. Survive the pain, survive the cold, survive the long darkness. It represents the heart and determination… much like pain, without it growth can’t happen. It’s my third favorite time of year.

That leaves summer… my very least favorite time of year and I’m happy to see this coming to a close. It feels like the season that is the result of every other seasons hard work… and pain, and change. It is the time of year to “relax.” In life if you stop working for change you will lose the momentum you have made. You don’t get to just stop time. It keeps going. Plus it’s just too hot in the summer šŸ˜‰