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Let the healing begin. 


A month or so ago I took my first glass fusing class. It was a private class for a friends birthday party. 

I had a good time, I was very unsure of myself during the first class. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do, or how I wanted to lay thing out. 

I was not in love with how things turned out from my first class, they weren’t horrible… but they were very much disarrayed. 


I gifted one of the pendants away already from that class. One of the “soap dishes” is currently on my stove as a spoon rest. Some of those pendants weren’t even made by me because I ran out of time!! 

During my latest round of issues I realized I need to have more hobbies. More outlets for stress, more ways to channel my creativity, a way to turn off the fuzzy noise. 

I went back to try again, taking a class where you made a garden hanging piece. I even invited some friends along! A friend I hadn’t seen in months joined me, as well as a friend that does my nails came to class. 

Again I was stumped for ideas… but being me rainbows are always something I gravitate to. 

On the left side of the photo below you’ll see the before, and on the right the after/fused project. 


I enjoy the class, and started thinking about ideas of what I might be able to make if I had more time.  

It was time for another private party, and I had ideas heading into the party. Lofty goals of things I want to make in glass. Ideas for things I might like to see in my home now or in the future. Thoughts about things that might make good presents. 


I felt super satisfied at the end of this class. I made the first piece I was super proud of. My unicorn! I also made a few other random pieces but I was very drawn into the unicorn. 

Leaving that class I knew I needed to sign up for another class. I could feel the grip loosening and I could feel my creative side coming back out. 


I am in a place right now where I am letting the glass speak to me, and I speak back.  I have a few ideas. There is a list in my phone of sets of plates I would like to see. Ideas I could try. I still let the glass lead the way. 

Today I took a “big plates” class. I opted not to do the platter, because we just don’t have the space. I did two smaller ones. I only decided 24 hours before to take the class. I didn’t have anything really in mind. 


I looked at the glass. I looked for light and shadow. I looked for what I could see beyond the glass. I looked for balance and waited for the pieces to talk to me. 

I am excited to see how the pieces come out once they are fused. I have at least two more fusing classes on the books at this time. It’s been really nice to feel like I am a part of something even with changing faces in each class. 
I can feel myself relaxing into the process with each session. I can feel the pieces leading me to the project instead of the other way around and it’s a treat. 

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Deep thoughts from the Funeral

Any week in your life when you say goodbye to a friend is going to be difficult. I found myself asking the difficult question, “is this the tipping point in life, more funerals than weddings or baby showers. More sadness than celebration?”

Intellectually I know that is not the truth. Life keeps moving on, and there are always things to celebrate. I have been working diligently in the recent past to celebrate everything I can, and plan to continue that. I believe it is important. 

I am finding strength and support from new friends as I grow and change. I grow more distant from those who I once treasured so dearly.  

I have thought a lot recently about how growth is pain.  Much like fruit on the vine, that which does not grow is left to wither and die. Fruit that does grow, changes and is forced into a new shape, it enlarges, and is forced by the conditions around it, and the nutrition available to adapt, thrive, or whither and die.  Did you know they can make watermelons square, or pears shaped like Buddha? Adaptation to environment, and the result of need or desire for change. That pear or watermelon grew as it was forced, not all end up the same and that’s ok. 

It’s hard to think about loss because it makes us look sat ourselves. What is the legacy I want to leave behind? Would anyone come to my funeral? What would people say about me? As I sat in the pew at mass I did have the passing though that I did not care if anyone showed up at my funeral because those that matter show up when you are here. 

Funerals are not for the dead they are for the living… and while I am out living I want to be surrounded by the amazing and magical people that keep showing up.  This is why I invite people to be part of my life. Be present because you are a gift of spirit. 

You can raise someone up, or drag them down and it is your choice how to handle a situation. I will continue to raise others and myself up, saying yes and showing up when asked at every chance my body allows. We only get one shot in this life, find joy where we can, embrace it where it lives in whatever form it arrives in. 

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You are Beautiful

“You’re really beautiful” and “you’re really good at what you do; not your job how you handle your interactions with life”

Those two statements were given to me as I walked over the Mississippi River under the stars Friday night. Treasured words given to me by someone I am getting to know better. 

I can’t explain how amazing it has been to continue to see the evolution of myself. This transformation into a different person by simply choosing to live more in the now and do what makes me happy. It is a long road to figure out who and what you are in life. 

To hear that someone who I have only really known for a comparatively short period of time sees beauty in me, and sees that significance in the way I conduct my life is incredible. 

The brief walk and talk we shared from the bar I’m sure was part sweet intoxication, but inside all drunken stupors there is some truth. Truth that the shift I have made in life has given way to my happiness. 

Those statements a out who I am are probably the best gifts I could receive as a birthday present this year; and they reinforce that living my best life and pushing the limits for myself and lifting others up is exactly what I need to continue to do. 

I may just have to start visiting the river more… it may become a new happy place.  

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Update… November.

Things have been quiet around here. Lots of things have been going on.

Ive spent the last month or so undergoing a battery of tests, that continue trying to find out what is going on with my leg.  Recently the drop foot I have been experiencing has gotten worse.  It has become painful through my leg, and there has been no explination for the drop foot. They ran a battery of tests to rule out a number of things.  The latest appointment revealed that while I do have a bulged disk in my back, which is not surprising given the collagen issues I have, and my propensity to lift things I shouldn’t, it is not in the right place to be causing the issues with me leg.

The upside is that there were no MS lesions spotted, which was a concern they had given the multitude of symptoms I was displaying.  Unfortunatly, I still have no answers.  I have calls into several neurologists in the area to get started with more tests, and we will go from there.  I work to manage the pain on a daily basis.  I use my cane at home… and try not to venture into public with it, because I just… I don’t like the feeling of defeat.

In other news, about a month, maybe two ago a job opened up at work. I decided that I would apply.  Now for those of you that remember how scared I was to jump and leave my dispatching job, this was a HUGE deal.  Last week it was announced that I had been offered the position.  I was proud of myself, and only a little shocked.  I knew deep down that I was qualified.  I know the job will posess its challenges, and that is what I loook forward to.

Looking at how far I have come from the girl that was scared and stuck, to the strong person who knows her value, and can see her strengths is amazing.  It is not ego, it is self worth, and it grows everyday inside me.  I display pride in my work, and my efforts are paying off.

Placing value on what i can contribute alone, as well as part of a team is showing me who I am.  This road to a better place of everything has been a long one.  It is amazing how one little spark can change everything.  The more I do the more I can do.